I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
