at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
