Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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