By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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