i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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