My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
