I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just tell him i said nine months
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
