She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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