rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
