Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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