you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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