Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
