I will die if light touches me.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
