Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dicks are not precious.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
PANTIES FOUND
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