I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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