I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
