I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
