omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
