First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
