i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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