He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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