the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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