i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
