The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
