her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
