She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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