make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
