Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
