Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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