i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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