why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
