areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
