i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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