if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
