My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
