my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
