NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
