she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
