drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Did I show you my penis last night?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
