Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
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we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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