i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize