hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you had me at cake vodka
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
