He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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