If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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