i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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