We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
