accomplished twins. life is a go
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
