I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
