My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
