it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
