I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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