Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
