whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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