WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
