I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
