We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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