me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
