did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
