She's JV to your varsity
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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