i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
