what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
