Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
